Thank You and Farewell
The year that nobody saw coming will soon be over. What began with optimistic themes like “Seeing Clearly in 2020” turned into a worldwide nightmare in February and March.
Stash Bandit has fared better than many small businesses. I resisted doing virtual programs for months because I felt overwhelmed by the technology and everything else that was happening. But by mid-summer I decided it was sink or swim. It turned out to be a really good thing.
Just as I was feeling comfortable with guild programs via Zoom, quilt professionals realized widely that classes were also possible in a virtual format. So I jumped in there, too. There were definitely bumps but I taught some successful workshops and met a lot of wonderful quilters in the process.
Then another development: Teachers realized we didn’t necessarily have to wait for a guild to call us. We could schedule a program or a class on our own and invite people to come. It seemed like the best of both worlds. I figured out a platform and a way to collect class fees. I started to plan and advertise. I taught one class and it went really well. But then, seemingly out of the blue:
I hit a wall.
It wasn’t any one thing. It was the cumulative effect of too many unknowns. And it was not out of the blue.
It was missing my children and grandchildren, missing my friends, missing my extended family, missing my guild, feeling trapped at home, the onset of winter, the bleak prospect of holidays without family, missing my parents (gone for 10 and 20+ years), feeling old, eating too much, exercising too little…I could go on, but you get the picture.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s how to recognize when I’ve reached my limit. And how to treat myself gently as needed. When I slammed headfirst into that brick wall, gentleness was definitely in order.
I cancelled my open enrollment classes. I spent time safely with a few trusted friends. I talked and talked and talked with my husband. I went to church on Sundays. I quieted my spirit.
I have kept up with the essentials: my freelance gigs and keeping the kitchen and bathrooms clean. Everything else was put on hold. And two weeks later, I’m starting to emerge from the fog. I’ll be good to go for everything that’s scheduled for January, but I really needed this down time (even if it was not in a hammock on a tropical island).
I am sharing this openly because it’s easy to think that what you see on Instagram or Facebook is the whole story. It isn’t.
I’ve had productive times during the pandemic, but I’ve had many dark days when I accomplished nothing at all. I just could not. In August, an extended family member who was also our neighbor took his own life. We reeled with disbelief, sadness and anger for weeks, and then we got on with things because we had to. And I wonder if some of that isn’t catching up with me now.
I’m also writing this in order to say thank you.
If you’ve read a blog post, left a comment, liked something on social media or come to a virtual guild meeting, thank you for supporting my small business. It means the world to me. Thank you, thank you for all the large and the many small kindnesses in the form of words, clicks, notes, photos and more. I appreciate each one so very much.
And while we’re not out of the pandemic woods just yet, let’s bid 2020 adieu. Farewell, so long, sayonara. Don’t come back.
Quilt on, my friends. I hope YOU will come back! There will be lots more lighthearted fun and quilty shenanigans up the wazoo.
As ever,
Tags: 2020, mood, pandemic, virtual learning
Cherie Moore
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Thank you for sharing…you’re right, it can appear all is fine but helps to know anyone can run into the brick wall, not just me. I enjoy your blog so thank you for the inspiration, too.
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Renee Arnett
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YOU are the most important person in your world. Your family, friends and many others who know you love you. You are an inspiration for so many. Thank you!
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Judith Veltidi
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Thank you for sharing all of this. It is just that sooooo many of us are going through the same stuff. It’s OKAY to feel however you feel, on whatever day you feel it, for whatever the reason, or no reason at all. (I am very sorry for your loss.)
We are experiencing a world we never expected and there is no game plan, there are no guidelines.
Stay safe, stay well, and remember to be kind to yourself!
(…and I will be seeing you “in person/via Zoom” when you speak with the Warwick Valley quilters January 26th.)
Wishes for a Happy New Year, for us all.
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Marty
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Diana, phew, I thought you were leaving us! Yes, let’s pray 2021 is getter for us all. My husband tested + yesterday, I’m probable. Too far town for me to go in to be tested until or if my symptoms worse. Mine milder than his, so far. Blessings all.
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Cathy
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Diane I think you summed it up how so many of us have been feeling. I’ve enjoyed your blog and our miles apart friendship. Hugs
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Mary
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I’ve enjoyed your designs and quilting lessons for several years now. Please take time for yourself as you need. We all need some down time. And we will be there for you as you bring us new designs and classes in the future. Blessings to you in the new year and may it be a good year for all of us.
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Kathy
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Thank you for your honesty, Diane. I think many of us share your feelings of isolation and loss. I try to bury myself in my quilting so I don’t have to deal with what’s going on in the world because it overwhelms me. I look forward to your blog, it helps me get through the day. Know that you make a difference. Please, everyone, stay vigilant, wear masks, maintain social distancing and pray for an end to this awful pandemic. Blessings.
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Robin
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Are you in my mind reading my thoughts. Except for giving classes, I miss attending them. Just this month my DIL cancelled our plans to fly up to be with our son+grands for Christmas due to Covid. She’s paranoid about Covid germs. I miss friends/people to be with. A SIL wrote in her Christmas cards “from our bubble to yours”. How appropriate for 2020. I’m lucky I have a husband who recently retired & always likes to be doing something. It helps balance out my down times. I feel sad that so many people are still dying from this disease from China. Watching the show Pandemic on either Netflix or Prime, they have pointed out that ALL the latest deadly viruses have come from China. I wonder if they are trying germ warfare… I’m getting paranoid sitting in the house, but my kitchen and bathrooms are clean, as you say. All in all– You are Not alone feeling as you do. *We as women do not as a rule take care of ourselves as a priority. We do it last. I’m glad to hear you’re working on you mind + soul. We are all in this together. Thank you for sharing and letting the rest of us we are not alone in feeling the way we do. It means a lot! 🙂
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Claudia
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So many quilters that I have met over the years are care givers. We take care of others and forget that we need to care of ourselves, and let others take care of us too. Sometimes we have to ‘hit a wall’ to learn that lesson. It is okay.
I have come to the realization that there is a difference between solitude and isolation, and we are weary of isolation. Now that it is winter where I live here in the Pacific NW, it is light or dark, and sometimes hard to tell the difference. Who knows what day it is.
I have been telling myself that new decades begin with the year one, as in 21, and end with a zero (20). So, at midnight on Thursday, let’s all raise a glass or mug of liquid refreshment and bid adieu to 2020 and welcome, with open arms, 2021!
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Susan Dileanis
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From the title it sounded like it might be your last blog. Glad that is not true! Like you I have struggled with the pandemic at times feeling sluggish, knitting and quilting mojo absent, eating too much, exercising too little. It’s nice to know others are feeling the same. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I enjoyed your zoom class on machine binding a quilt and look forward to taking more classes from you. Rest up. See you in the new year.
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Jennifer Grist
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I too am glad it’s 2020 we are wishing ‘Farewell’ and not you! Platforms and zoom? we are being pushed into a world we thought was for others – the young ones, a world where there is very little personal contact with people and it takes a lot of getting used to, but we have to make the best of it, as you and many other teachers are doing. It is not surprising that sometimes we hit that wall – thank goodness for supportive family and friends.
Thank you for your blog which is always interesting to read. Take care and stay safe.
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Katie
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Diane, Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine we have all had our ups and downs during the past year. Those down times are rough. I have to tell you that, even though you hit that wall, the Dec. program that you did with our guild was delightful. Full of holiday cheer. I thank you for that. It came at a good time for all of us as we headed toward the Holidays. Hang in there, to you and everyone. I believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel and it is getting brighter. Stay safe, be well. Happy 2021!
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Diane
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It’s been a hard year and none of us will be sorry to see 2020 go but maybe because I’ve personally had other years in my life that were similar for me and my family, it’s been a bit easier for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I faced my own mortality at the age of 50 when I was given a diagnosis of advanced ovarian cancer. Quilting helped me get through treatment. I was put on a vent at the age of 70 because I had double pneumonia, which I was diagnosed with after only running a low grade fever and feeling extremely tired for a few days. I dealt with my husband’s decline from Parkinson’s related dementia over 7 years and had to make a choice to put him on hospice rather than prolong his life with artificial means. I don’t tell you these private things because I want sympathy but because I believe in the human spirit and it’s ability to survive and recover. I’ve told my daughter that this experience will help my granddaughters deal with the things that come up in their lives. I do believe that. While I wish none of us had to go through this, perhaps we will emerge a kinder, gentler, less materialistic nation. One which appreciates each other more than the latest technological gizmo, one that is willing to support each other and realizes that at any point anyone of us may need help and one that doesn’t point fingers at people who are different or have less than us. The truth is that mother nature doesn’t distinguish among the rich or poor, ethnicity or the religion. We all are subject to the possibility of contracting and dying from this disease and the only way to get through this is if together we all fight it by doing what the scientists tell us. WEAR A MASK!!!!
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Katy Coleman
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Diane, you have been such a bright spot for many of us working-from-home, missing-everyone, isolated people! God bless you a million times over for sharing your spirit with us all!
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Marianne Stana
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Thank you so much for your honesty and heartfelt post, Diane. I have felt the same way on many days, then it lifts for a bit. So blessed to have my family, faith and friends. Take care of yourself, you’re a gift to all of us
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Kathi Downey
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Thank you for sharing. Like yourself and the others who have commented – I too have had my share of “hitting the pandemic wall.” It’s nice to know we’re not alone. Take care of yourself.
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Maureen in Portland
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Thank you, Diane, for all that honesty. Except that I am not a small business owner, or a teacher, or a lecturer, this has been my story (if only I were talented enough to write it so well). We are all glad to bid 2020 goodbye and all hoping for a better 2021. Gentle is how we should treat each other and ourselves all year.
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Kathy
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I do not teach classes. I quilt. I quilted with friends and did so many other things with family and friends. But you are not alone – many of us have felt just like you. It has been very very hard. Hang in there.
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Linda Swanekamp
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I found you on Alyciaquilts blog because you did a class for her guild. I would like to find out more about your online classes for my guild. Also, I wrote a blog piece about my similar take on the year. One of my best friends died in June of a sudden heartattack and I got busy leading Zoom for my guild for months and I hit a wall. I am better than I was around Christmas, but so much loss wiped me out as I tried to be positive and move ahead. Thank you for sharing.
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Diane Harris
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Hi Linda, thank you for your comment. I’ll email you about online learning for your guild. It has been a hard year, and I’m really sorry about your friend’s death. Hugs from a quilting friend.